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Humare saath soch vichaar kariye

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Video ki transcript

Hum iss vishwas ke vichar ko ek practical exercise ke saath spasht ta se banayenge. Yeh ek aisi exercise hogi jo humein unn logon ke baare mein sochne ki anumati degi jin par hum apni zindagi mein vishwas karte hain. Aur hum yeh bhi samjhenge ki vishwas kaise dynamic hota hai jiska matlab hai ki yeh nirantar badalta rehta hai. Jaise jaise hum aur humare rishte badalte hain vishwas bhi badal sakta hai. 

Bina self-judgement aur aarop ke dhyaan dijiye, ke kaun diagram ke kis hisse mein jaa rahe hai. Agar aapke ‘log jin par abhi mujhe bharosa hai’ ke hisse mein koi nahi hai toh koi baat nahi. Aap yeh pehchane ke liye sabse best judge hai ki aapki zindagi mein, agar koi hai toh toh aapke bharose ke haqdaar hai aur aapko sahyog dene ke yogya hai.

Jo hua hai uske baare mein kisi ko batana: conversation guide, Chayn ke Your Story Matters (YSM) se liya gaya hai.

Jab aap kisi se baat karne ke liye time nikalne ko kehte hain, toh aap ko pehle se yeh batane ki zaroorat nahi hai ki aap kis baare mein baat karna chahte hain. Saralta se sirf yeh kehna, ‘kuch zaroori hai jis ke baare mein main aap se baat karna chahta/chahti hun. Kya aap kal shaam ko free honge?’ bas itna kaafi hoga. Apne liye woh samay aur jagah vyavasthit kijiye jo aap ke liye sabse ache tareeke se kaam karti hai. 

Baat cheet ke shuruaat mein hi aap woh umeedein sthapit kar sakte hain ki iss baat cheet ko kaise samjha jaana chahiye. Aur iss umeed mein shamil ho sakta hai dusre vyakti ko yeh batana ki woh kaise aap ke liye ek aisi jagah bana sakte hain jo aap ko khul ke bolne ke liye prerit kare. Aap unse guzaarish kar sakte hain ki woh aap ko baat karte waqt na roken ya woh apni pratikriya dene ke liye aap ke bolne ke anth ka intezaar kar sakte hain. Jo bhi aap ko aaram dayak mehsoos karwaye.

Aap jitna bhi chahe vistar mein ya jis bhi style mein chahe apni kahani ya aap ke saath jo hua tha ya ho raha hai usse bata sakte hain. 

Yeh hissa sabse zyada kathin hai. Aur yeh aap par nirbhar karta hai ki aap isse kaise share karte hain. Ho sakta hai aap ek vastavik vivran dena chahe ya ek bhavnatmak vivran, inn donon mein se chunav iss baat par nirbhar karta hai ki aap kise aur kyun bata rahe hain.  

Aur kisi bhi waqt aisi tippani ya sawaal aata hai jiska aap saamna nahi karna chahte ya aap ko nahi pata hai aise sawaal ko kya pratikriya deni hai toh yeh bilkul manya hai. Aap apni be-araami vyakt kar sakte hain aur iss sawaal ke baare mein sochne ke liye ek pal maang sakte hain ya keh sakte hain ki aap ko iss sawaal ka jawaab nahi dena hai. Aksar log apni empathy dikhane ke liye sawaal puchte hain, lekin iska matlab yeh nahi hai ki aap ko na chahte hue bhi inn sawalon ka jawaab dena hai. Aap unhe yaad dila sakte hain ki unki empathy sab kuch jaan ne par nirbhar nahi karti hai aur aap sirf itna chahte hain ki woh aap ki baat sunen aur aap ki parvah karen. 

Unhe iss baat ka vivran dijiye ki aap kaise hain aur aap kaisa mehsoos kar rahe hain, taaki woh aap ko samajh saken. Kyun ki ho sakta hai ki logon ko yeh samajh mein na aaye ki sadma bahut se tareekon se mann aur shareer ko prabhavit kar sakta hai, phir chahe woh aap ka vishesh sadma hi kyun na ho. Jab aap unko yeh samjhate hain ki aap ko kaisa mehsoos hua aur aap kaisa mehsoos kar rahe hain, aap unhe apne saath empathy ki yatra par lekar jaate hain jo unhe aap ko sehyog dene mein madad karegi. 

4) Koi aap ki kaise madad kar sakta hai? (agar aap ko iski zaroorat hai)

Aap iss baare mein baat kijiye ki dusra vyakti aap ko bhavnatmak aur practical roop se kaise sehyog ya sahara de sakta hai, jaise ki aap se lagatar baat karte rehna (ya aap ko apne liye jagah dena) ya aap ke saath aap ke kaam tak walk karna. Ho sakta hai alag-alag logon se aap ko alag-alag madad chahiye ho.

5) Baat cheet ko bandh karna aur iss se bahar nikalna

Baatcheet apne aap swaabhavik roop se sameek ho sakti hai, Jab aapko jo kehn tha who aapne keh diya, aur aapko mehsoos ho gaya ki aapko jiska sahyog chahiye tha who aapko uss insaan se mil gaya hai.

Victim-blaming myths ko pehchaanenge aur samjhenge ki patriarchal power structure (pittrattatmak satta sancharan) dvaara sexual violence kaise kiya jaata hai. Yeh kabhi survivor ki galti nahi hoti hai. 

Samaaj, Paitrsatta aur Sexual Trauma

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

Overview

Hum Sexual trauma ke baare mein baat karne ke jhijhak ko validate karte hain, Vichaar karenge ki hum kise batana chahte hain aur kyun, aur review karte hain ki baatcheet ko kasie sthatpit aur sanchaarit kiya jaaye. 

Assault Ke Baare Mein Kisi Ko Batana

Hello aur aap sab ka session 5 mein swagat hai! Aaj ke aakhir se pehle (second-to-last) session mein 

Lekin sabse pehle, aaiye, ek grounding exercise karte hain

apne haathon par apna dhyan lekar ayie. Hum mein se zyadatar logon ke liye haath humare shareer ka sabse upyogi hissa hain. Aur phir bhi hum inn par zyada dhyan nahi dete hain. Isliye, agar aap abhi kar sakte hain toh apne kisi ek haath ke hatheli ki taraf dekhne ke liye ek pal lijiye. Aur achi tarah se dekhiye-apni hatheli par lines ko dekhiye. Ho sakta hai kuch lines bahut hi gehri hon aur kuch bahut halki. Aur agar aap chahen toh jaise jaise aap apni hatheli ko dekhte hain toh apne dusre haath ki ungliyon se lines trace kijiye, bilkul waise jaise aap kisi purane dost ko greet karenge. Kya aap ko kuch adbhut dikh raha hai? 

 Aap kya pasand karenge, space (antariksh) mein jaana ya ocean (mahasagar) ke bottom tak jaana?

Aaj hum yeh baat kar rahe hain ki hum kaise kisi aur ko apne sexual hinsa ke anubhav ke baare mein bata sakte hain. 

Kisi ko apne sexual violence ke anubhav batane ke peeche bahut alag alag kaaran ho sakte hain. Sexual trauma humari sex karne ki icha aur hum kis tarah se sex karna chahte hain ko prabhavit karta hai. Aur yeh ek aisi sthiti hai jis mein bahut se survivors khud ko paate hain. Isliye, ho sakta hai ki hum sex ke liye ek aapsi sakaratmak vatavaran bana ne ke liye apne sexual saathi ko apne trauma ke baare mein batana chahen. Aur jaisa ki humne pehle bhi kaha hai, chahe humare trauma mein physical touch ya sparsh shamil nahi tha-lekin phir bhi harassment, stalking, humari karibi tasveeron ka share karna ya phir kuch aur humari khud ke shareer ke prati, sexuality ke prati humari soch aur sex mein vishwas ko prabhavit kar sakta hai. Humne recovery ke inn sab pehluon ke baare mein humare 

Lekin ho sakta hai ki hum sirf apne romantic ya sexual saathiyon ko hi apne anubhavon ke baare mein na batana chahen. Ho sakta hai hum apne 

parivaar ke logon, doston ya phir apne saath kaam karne walon ya boss ko bhi

 apne anubhavon ke baare mein batana chahte hon. Aur inn mein se har alag vyakti ko apne anubhavon ke baare mein batana alag alag tareeke se madadgaar ho sakta hai, jis par hum baad mein charcha karenge. Agar aap humare Your Story Matters (YSM) project ke baare mein pehle se jaante hain toh aap dekhenge ki aaj ka yeh session ‘Telling someone about the assault’ guide par aadharit hai. Lekin iss session mein aise kuch aur jaankari bhi hai jo ki humne recovery ke bhavnatmak aspects ke hisaab se banaya hai, jiske baare mein hum pehle se baat karte aa rahe hain. 

Iss se pehle ki hum apne session ko shuru karen, hum aapko batana chahenge ki jo log yeh session dekh rahe hain uss mein se sab apne anubhavon ke baare mein dusron ko batane ke alag-alag stage par honge. Ho sakta hai aap kuch logon ko bata chuke hain jaise ki aap ke best friend, lekin ab aap dusron ko alag tareeke se batane par kaam karna chahte hain. Ho sakta hai aap yeh baat cheet pehle bhi kar chuke hain lekin uss waqt yeh baat cheet theek se aage nahi badh payi thi. Isliye aap apne anubhav ko dusron ko batane mein hichkicha rahe hain kyunki aap ka vishwas toot chuka hai. Aur yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki aap ne abhi tak kisi ko kuch bhi nahi bataya hai. Yeh saari sthitiyan samanya hain. Chahe aap dusron ko anubhav batane ya na batane ki yatra mein kahin bhi hon, hum asha karte hain ki aaj ka session aap ke liye apni bhavnaon ko khojne ke liye jagah banayega. Hum asha karte hain ki hum aap ko yeh jaan ne mein madad kar payenge ki dusron ko batane ke sandarbh mein aap kya chahte hain aur kya nahi, aap iss anubhav ke baare mein kisko batana chahte hain aur agar aap kisi ko batane ka nirnay lete hain toh aap woh baat cheet kaise kar sakte hain. 

Jaise ab hum yeh charcha shuru kar rahe hain ki humare saath jo hua uske anubhav ke baare mein kaise batayen, yeh yaad rakhna zaroori hai ki: 

Humare saath jo hua uski kahani ko jaan ne ka haq kisi ko nahi hai

Assault ke baad kisi ko iske baare mein batane ka nirnay bahut hi vyaktigat nirnay hai aur kisi ko bhi humare sadme ke baare mein jaan ne ka koi haq nahi hai. 

Jab hum kisi ko yeh batate hain ki humare saath kya hua tha, jismein bina kisi vistaar mein jaate hue sirf yeh batana bhi kaafi hai ki humare saath sexual assault hua tha, humare rishton mein vishwas ki gehrayi aur kareebi pan ko badha sakta hai. Aur waise bhi kisi ko yeh batana humari recovery mein ek bahut zaroori kadam ho sakta hai-lekin humein kisi ko batane ki jaldi nahi karni chahiye. 

Iss se pehle ki hum aage badhen, hum ek minute lena chahenge yeh samjhane ke liye ki 

 ya bhavnatmak karibi pan ka kya matlab hai, kyun ki hum iss shabd ka iss aur peechle session mein kaafi prayog karte aa rahe hain. Jab hum emotional intimacy ke baare mein baat karte hain toh hum uss aaram dayak ehsaas ki baat kar rahe hain, jab hum kisi ke saath apni bhavnayen aaram se, bina kisi jhijhak ke share kar sakte hain. Agar saralta se kahen toh, emotional intimacy ka matlab hai ki hum kisi ke kitne ‘kareeb’ hain. Jab humari kisi ke saath emotional intimacy hoti hai toh humein mehsoos hota hai ki hum unke saath apni bhavnaon ko share kar sakte hain. Aur iss sharing ke badle mein humein unn se samajh aur sahara milega. Aur hum jaante hain ki agar hum kisi cheez ya bhavna ke saath struggle kar rahe hain toh hum unke pass jaa sakte hain aur woh humare paas aa sakte hain. Humein iss emotional intimacy ka ehsaas alag rishton mein alag tareeke se ho sakta hai- jaise ki parivar, doston, aur saathiyon ke saath alag alag ehsaas. Lekin rishta chahe jo bhi ho, vishwas, kareebi pan aur parvah ke siddhant waise hi rehte hain. 

Isliye, agar aap mehsoos karte hain ki aap abhi apni bhavnaon, aur sadme ke baare mein kisi ko batane ke liye tayyar nahi hain toh, koi baat nahi, yeh bilkul theek hai. Iska matlab yeh nahi hai ki aap theek nahi ho rahe ya jaldi theek nahi ho rahe hain. Ho sakta hai ki aap ki zindagi mein aisa koi insaan hi nahi hai jise aap vishwas ke saath iss jaankari ko share kar sakte hain. Aap apni intuition ko suniye aur khud par vishwas kijiye ki aap ko aise log milenge jo aapki sadme par tippani ya comment kiye bina ya aap ke sadme ko ‘theek’ karne ki koshish kiye bina, aap ko sahara de payenge, aap ko sunenge, aap ki parvah karenge. 

Agar aap ko, aapke saath jo hua, usse share karte hue jhijhak ho rahi hai toh ho sakta hai ki aap ki bhavnayen abhi bhi taazi hain. Yeh bhi bilkul theek hai. Agar aap ko guilt aur sharm jaise taaze aur, kathin bhavnaon ko process karne ke liye madad chahiye, toh hum aap ko salah denge ki aap humara 

 course kijiye. Aur jaisa ki humne pehle bhi kaha hai ki trauma se recovery ke liye koi fixed date ya nirdharit tareekh nahi hai. Aap abhi wahin hain jahan aap ko hona chahiye. 

Isliye, aaiye, sabse pehle dekhte hain ki humein apne sadme ke baare mein 

 batane ka soch-vichar karna chahiye aur yeh batana humare liye 

Asal mein, iss video ko rokne ke liye ek pal lijiye aur iss sawal ke baare mein sochiye: Aise kaun se kaaran hain jinki wajah se hum kisi ko jo hua uske baare mein batayenge? Agar aap ke paas aap ki thought diary hai toh uss diary mein inn kaaran ko likhen. Iss list mein sab kuch hona zaruri nahi hai, lekin iss dairy mein jitna aap soch paa rahe hain ek minute mein, woh likh sakte hain. 

Kya aap apne-apne kaaran likh kar vapas aa gaye? Bahut khoob, hum asha karte hain, aap kuch kaaran likh paaye hain. Hum bhi apne kaaran aap ke saath share karenge. Jaisa ki humne kaha, jo hua uske baare mein kisi ko batana, sadme se humari bhavnatmak healing ka ek bahut zaroori hissa ho sakta hai. Yeh humein, humari bhavnaon ko bahar nikalne ya mukt karne ka bhi ehsaas de sakta hai. Kisi ko batana, humare rone ke liye ek surakshit jagah bana sakta hai, humein kam akela mehsoos karwa sakta hai, aur humein anumati deta hai ki hum apni bhavnaon ko 

 karne ke liye humare liye pehla kadam ho sakta hai - taaki hum apni kahani ko kisi ke saath share kar ke, usse awaaz de payen, uske ass paas ki chupi todkar, usse kam taqatwar bana saken. 

Bhavnatmak sahare ke alawa, bahut se practical kaaran bhi ho sakte hain jiski wajah se hum, humari kahani ya humare saath jo hua usse kisi ke saath share karne ke baare mein soch sakte hain. Udharan ke taur par: 

Jab hum kise batane ke baare mein vichar karte hain toh hum khud se pooch sakte hain ki hum apni kahani sunane se kya chahte hain. Yeh sawaal humein yeh samjha sakta hai ki hum

apni kahani batana chahenge aur kaun humein woh cheezen de payega jo hum chahte hain. Xx Hum iske baare mein vistar mein tab baat karenge jab hum baatcheet mein kya kehna hai, uss par charcha karenge. 

Kisi ko apni kahani batane ke baare mein nirnay lene ke liye sabse zaroori pehlu hai yeh sochna ki hum kis par 

 karte hain. Jo hua, uske baare mein kisi ko batane se hum apni healing ke liye ek jagah banate hain, isliye humein uss vyakti ko batane ki zaroorat hai jo humare saath yeh healing ki jagah share kar sakta hai. 

Yeh vishwas ke baare mein baat humein ek aur point par lekar aati hai-kyun ki kisi ko apni kahani batane ke baare mein chinta hoti hai ki dusra vyakti kya pratikriya dega, jo humari jhijhak ko bhi badha deta hai. Yeh ek bahut hi manya chinta hai, isliye hum yahan iski charcha ke liye thodi jagah bana na chahte the. Humein mehsoos ho sakta hai ki agar hum kisi ko batate hain toh woh vyakti humara vishwas bhi tod sakta hai. Udharan ke taur par woh humari kahani aur sadme ke baare mein humari marzi ke bina kisi aur ko bhi bata sakte hain. Ya ho sakta hai ki woh humein yeh bolen ki jo hua woh trauma nahi tha aur humara vishwas na karen ya jo hua uske liye hum par hi ilzaam lagayen. Kya aap ko session 2 se sexual assault ke liye victim par ilzaam lagane wali samajik kahaniyan yaad hain? Ho sakta hai aap aise logon se mil chuke hain jo aisi samaajik galatfaimiyon ya kahaniyon ka prayog survivors ke sach ko nakarne ke liye karte hain, yahan tak ki unn logon ke sach ko bhi nakarte hain jinhe woh jaante hain ya pyar karte hain. 

Inn sab chintaon ko dhyan mein rakhte hue, yeh dekhna bahut zaroori hai ki agar aap ke satya ko nakara jaata hai ya aap ke vishwas ko toda jaata hai toh dusre insaan ko ‘sahi’ samay ya ‘sahi’ tareeke se na bata paane mein aap ki koi galti nahi hai. Lekin, isliye yeh chunav karna zaroori hai ki hum kis ko apni kahani aur sadme ke baare mein batate hain, kyun ki hum par vishwas kiya jaaye aur humein sehyog diya jaaye, hum iske haqdaar hain. 

Jo hua uske baare mein agar hum aise kisi vyakti ko bhi batate hain jinhe hum pyar karte hain aur unn par vishwas karte hain phir bhi humein yeh chinta ho sakti hai ki humare batane par unki bhavnatmak pratikriya atyadhik (strong) ho sakti hai. Kabhi kabhi yeh pratikriyaen, lachari aur guilt ki bhavnaon se prerit hoti hain. Unhe gussa aa sakta hai ki yeh trauma humare saath hua, aur ho sakta hai woh yeh bhi soch rahe hon ki woh iss trauma ko hone se rok sakte the. Lekin yaad rakhiye: kisi aur ki bhavnaon ko sambhalna humari zimmedari nahi hai. Kyun ki agar hum kisi ko batane ka nirnay lete hain toh woh humari khud ki healing ke liye hai. 

Ab aaiye, ek pal lete hain yeh sochne ke liye hum 

Hum thodi der mein iss baat cheet ko dhancha dene ke liye ek template dekhenge, lekin uss se pehle hum ek samanya salaah dena chahenge. 

Jaise jaise hum yeh soch rahe hote hain ki humein kisko kya batana hai, yaad rakhiye ki humein 

 batana hai uss par humara niyantran hai aur humein sab kuch ek hi baar mein nahi bata dena hai. Agar hum jaankari ko share karne ke beech mein thoda gap ya space banate hain toh share karna kathin nahi lagta hai. Aur yeh humein dheere dheere dusre vyakti ke saath vishwas bana ne mein madad karta hai. Isliye, agar aap ko sab kuch share karne ki ghabrahat hai toh thodi si jaankari ke saath shuruaat kijiye. Chaliye, maante hain ki aap apne maata-pita ko apni kahani batane se shuruaat karte hain. Aur kehte hain, ‘kuch saal pehle ek party mein ek ladke ke saath mera bura anubhav hua tha’, ya phir kehte hain ki, ‘kuch saal pehle mujhe ek party par assault kiya gaya tha.’ Dheere-dheere yeh baat cheet aage badh sakti hai aur aap keh sakte hain, ‘mere dost ke cousin ne mujhe party mein assault kiya tha’ ya bhavishya mein baat cheet ke anth mein aap keh sakte hain, ‘meri sabse achi dost, Disha ke cousin ne mujhe ek party mein rape kiya tha’. 

Kisi ko apni kahani ya apne sadme ke baare mein batane ke sandarbh mein yeh sochna bhi madadgaar ho sakta hai ki agar unhe pata hota toh humari kahani ka kaun sa hissa pata hone humare khud ke liye labhdayak hai. Udharan ke taur par, agar hum apne saathi ko bata rahe hain toh humein ek dusre ke kareeb aane ki icha ke sandarbh mein baat cheet ko apne anubhav ke nateejon par kendrit karni chahiye, jaisa ki humne last session mein charcha ki thi. Aur dusri taraf, agar humein asha hai ki humare sehkarmi, kaam ki jagah par triggering bhasha ka prayog bandh kar denge toh humein apne anubhav ke baare mein chota sa vivran dekar uss vyavahar par baat cheet ko kendrit karna chahiye, jo vyavahar hum chahte hain ki woh karen. 

Isliye aaiye, ab dekhte hain ki hum apni baat cheet ko kaise shuru karen aur isse kya dhaancha den. Hum inn 5 kadmon ki list aap ko bonus content mein denge, isliye sab kuch ko ek saath samajhne ki chinta mat kijiye. 

 sthapit kar sakte hain ki iss baat cheet ko kaise samjha jaana chahiye. Aur iss umeed mein shamil ho sakta hai dusre vyakti ko yeh batana ki woh kaise aap ke liye ek aisi jagah bana sakte hain jo aap ko khul ke bolne ke liye prerit kare. Aap unse guzaarish kar sakte hain ki woh aap ko baat karte waqt na roken ya woh apni pratikriya dene ke liye aap ke bolne ke anth ka intezaar kar sakte hain. Jo bhi aap ko aaram dayak mehsoos karwaye. 

Unhe iss baat ka vivran dijiye ki aap kaise hain aur aap kaisa 

 kar rahe hain, taaki woh aap ko samajh saken. Kyun ki ho sakta hai ki logon ko yeh samajh mein na aaye ki sadma bahut se tareekon se mann aur shareer ko prabhavit kar sakta hai, phir chahe woh aap ka vishesh sadma hi kyun na ho. Jab aap unko yeh samjhate hain ki aap ko kaisa mehsoos hua aur aap kaisa mehsoos kar rahe hain, aap unhe apne saath 

ki yatra par lekar jaate hain jo unhe aap ko sehyog dene mein madad karegi. 

4) Koi aap ki kaise madad kar sakta hai? (agar aap ko iski zaroorat hai) 

Aap iss baare mein baat kijiye ki dusra vyakti aap ko bhavnatmak aur practical roop se kaise sehyog ya sahara de sakta hai, jaise ki aap se lagatar baat karte rehna (ya aap ko apne liye jagah dena) ya aap ke saath aap ke kaam tak walk karna. Ho sakta hai alag-alag logon se aap ko alag-alag madad chahiye ho. 

5) Baat cheet ko bandh karna aur iss se bahar nikalna 

Jab aap woh sab kuch keh chuke hain jo aap ko kehna hai aur aap ko mehsoos hota hai ki aap ko dusre vyakti se woh sehyog mil gaya hai jo aap ko chahiye tha, toh ho sakta hai aap ki baat cheet swabhavik roop se apne aap khatam ya bandh ho jaye. 

Lekin, dusari taraf, agar aap ko bearaam mehsoos hota hai aur aap uss jagah se jaana chahte hain ya dusra vyakti bahut hi utejit bhavnaon ke saath pratikriya deta hai - toh aap apni baat cheet khatam karke wahan se jaa sakte hain. Aur agar aap ko pehle se hi anchahi pratikriyaon ke aane ki ashanka hai toh uss baat cheet se bahar nikalne ki strategy pehle se hona ek acha vichar hai. Iss strategy ka matlab hai ki aap ne pehle apni suraksha ke liye yeh socha hai ki aap wahan se jaane ke liye kya kahenge, aap ke paas emergency aur parivahan ke number hain aur aap aise jagah par baat cheet karenge jahan se aap asani se nikal paayen. Aur sabse pehle yeh strategy humein mann ki shaanti bhi deti hai. Udharan ke taur par aap keh sakte hain ki, ‘Main yeh charcha aur nahi karna chahta/chahti. Mujhe jaana hai.’

Agar aap yeh thoda aur jaan na chahte hain ki iss baat cheet ko kaise shuru karen, toh aap humari Your Story Matters (YSM) ki guide ki taraf jaa sakte hain. Iska link humare bonus content mein daal diya jayega. Lekin abhi ke liye, baat cheet ke liye tayyar hone ke baare mein ek last point. Baat cheet ke liye tayyar hone ka ek sabse zaroori hissa ho sakta hai yeh nirnay pehle hi lena ki aap kya kahenge. Yeh nirnay kisi ko apni kahani ya sadme ke baare mein batana kam tanavpoorn bana sakta hai. Humein kuch hisson ko bhool jaane ki chinta nahi karni hogi aur yeh kathin shabdon ko zor se bolne mein madadgar ho sakta hai. Isliye baat cheet ke liye tayyari ya phir uss baat cheet ki script likhna humein sirf yeh nirnay lene mein madad nahi kar sakta ki kehna kya hai, lekin baat cheet shuru karne ke liye humein sahas aur mann ki shaanti bhi de sakta hai, kyun ki hum jaante hain ki humare paas jaankari pehle se hai. 

Halaanki, inn sab baaton ke baad, baatcheet kaafi swabhavik roop se bhi ho sakti hai, bina kisi strategy ke. Ho sakta hai ki chahe hum puri tarah se ya 100% tayyar na bhi hon, lekin phir bhi humare anubhavon ke baare mein baat cheet aaram se hona shuru ho sakta hai aur yeh dusre vyakti par bhi nirbhar karta hai. Agar aisa hota hai toh humein apni gut par vishwas rakhna chahiye. Humein yeh zyada nahi sochna chahiye ki agar yeh iss araam se hui baat cheet ke liye sahi waqt bhi hai ya nahi. Agar uss pal mein aap ko yeh theek lagta hai toh, aap ko iss ke saath aage badhna chahiye. Aur agar kisi bhi waqt hum apna mann badalte hain ya haavi ho rahi bhavnaon ki wajah se humein rukna padta hai toh hum baat cheet ko khatam karke kisi aur cheez ke baare mein bhi baat kar sakte hain ya keh sakte hain ki humein yahan se jaana hai. 

Chahe baat cheet kaise bhi ho aur unki kaisi bhi pratikriya rahi ho, baat cheet ke baad humein bahar aa rahi bhavnaon aur vicharon ko process karne ke liye khud ko jagah aur samay dena chahiye. Baat cheet ke baad ke liye humein koi activity ya aaram karne ke baare mein sochna chahiye. Chahe yeh baatcheet bahut ache se aage badhi hon, tab bhi yeh thaka dene wali ho sakti hain. Isliye, khud ka khayal rakhna ek sabse zaroori cheez hai. 

Akhirkaar, hum yeh sweekar karna chahte the ki ho sakta hai hum kisi ko jo hua uske baare mein batane ke liye aupcharik (formal) raaston ke baare mein soch rahe hon-jaise ki apne anubhav ke baare mein kisi authority ko batana. 

Bahut se logon ke liye, iska matlab hoga, 

apne anubhav ko seedha police ko report karna

, police station jaakar bhi kar sakte hain. Jab hum police ko report karte hain toh hum assault ka ek aisa official record bana sakte hain jiska upyog uss vyakti ke khilaaf jaanch karne ke liye kiya jaa sakta hai jisne assault kiya tha. Aur agar humari report ki wajah se uss vyakti par apradh ke liye aarop lagaya jaata hai toh uske khilaaf karwahi bhi ho sakti hai. 

Jab hum police ko report karne ke baare mein sochte hain toh bahut si cheezen hain jin par humein vichar karna chahiye. Kyun ki police ko report karna kaafi 

invasive (humari zindagi mein dakhal dene wala) aur bhavnatmak roop se kaafi kathin 

anubhav ho sakta hai. Bahut se deshon mein, kanoon humein anonymous (bina naam bataye report karna) rehne ka haq deta hai. Lekin kuch mamlon mein jahan log humein ya perpetrator ko jaante hain wahan humari pehchan bata di jaaye. Ek bahut bada kaaran jis ki wajah se hum police ko assault report na karne ka nirnay le sakte hain woh yeh hai ki jab hum rishte mein ho rahe sexual assault ko report karne ke baare mein sochte hain, aisa ho sakta hai ki woh assault abhi bhi ho raha ho aur isliye hum jhijhak mehsoos karte hain. Jo log shaadi mein rape ka anubhav karte hain (marital rape) unke liye bhi report karna ek bahut jatil mudda ho sakta hai, vishesh roop se tab jab aap aur aap ke saathi ghar, bachon aur finances ki zimmedaari share karte hain. Ho sakta hai hum isliye report na karna chahen kyun ki humein darr hai ki hum sab kuch kho denge, apne bache bhi. Inn jatiltaon ke alawa bhi, police ko report karna kaafi thaka dene wala aur pareshani dene wala process ho sakta hai, vishesh roop se tab jab humein woh nateeja nahi milta hai jo humein chahiye. 

Ho sakta hai humein uss samay do viparit bhavnaon ka ehsaas ho raha ho. Ho sakta hai, ek taraf humein yeh chinta ho rahi ho ki humein kaun vishwas karega aur dusri taraf yeh bhi chinta ho rahi ho ki humare sadme ko tabhi sach maana jayega agar hum isse police ko report karenge. Yeh ek aisa satya ban jaata hai jo humein apne andar hi gol-gol ghuma sakta hai. Kyun ki yeh logic kehta hai ki log tabhi maanenge ki main sach bol raha/rahi hoon agar main authorities ko perpetrator ke baare mein batane ka sahas karunga/karungi. Lekin, authorities mere sadme ko sach nahi manengi kyun ki maine report theek tareeke se nahi ki ya mere paas uchit pramaan nahi hai. 

Yeh sab vichar patriarchal victim-blaming dhaarna par aadharit hain. Agar aap ko iss poore course se koi ek cheez seekhni hai toh woh yeh hai ki hum aisi duniya mein rehte hain jo ki taqat ki patriarchal vyavastha se niyantrit hoti hai. Aur iss taqat ki vyavastha ko bachane ke liye unn logon ko dabaya jaata hai ya utpeedit kiya jata hai jo white, supermacist, abelist, cis-straight, aadmi ke taqat ke saanchon (moulds) mein nahi dhal sakta. Aur saath hi mein unn logon ko chup karwa diya jaata hai jo iss patriarchal vyavastha ke khilaaf awaaz uthate hain.  Yeh logon ko chup karane ki pratikriya auraton ke liye bahut aage badh jaati hai vishesh roop se unn auraton ke liye jo disabled ya trans hote hain. Unn logon ke liye, jinko iss taqat ki vyavastha ka fayda hota hai, samaaj iss patriarchal hinsa ki vastavikta ka saamna nahi karta aur isse nakarta hai. 

Lekin, humne, aankdon (statistics), bade-bade logon ke cases aur survivors ki kahaniyon ke dwara bahut se sach samjhe hain jo ki patriarchal hinsa ki vastavikta ke baare mein batata hai. Hum sach jaante hain. Aur hum yeh sach khud par lagu kar sakte hain-aur iss sach ko humse koi bhi cheen nahi sakta hai. Aur humare saath jo hua usse sach hone ke liye humein report karne ki zaroorat nahi hai. Jab kuch hota hai usse kisi ko sach thehrane ke liye humein kisi uchit insaan ko batane ki zaroorat nahi hai. Humein sach saabit karne ke liye khud ko anonymity se zabardasti bahar nikalne ki zaroorat nahi hai. 

Kanoon ke dwara insaaf paane ki prakriya aur bhi bahut saare kaaranon ki wajah se jatil mehsoos ho sakta hai. Iss duniya ke bahut se hisson mein jail ki vyavasthayen racist, white-supermacist taqat ki vyavastha ko ahmiyat dete hain jis se perpetrator ko report karne ke baare mein humein bhi sandeh aur sankoch ho sakta hai. 

kanooni karwahi hi sirf insaaf paane ka ek raasta nahi hai. 

Bahut saare institutions (sansthan) insaaf ke restorative models khoj rahe hain. Inn models ke anusar survivor, perpetrators ko bata sakte hain ki unke dwara kiye gaye apradh ne kaise survivors’ ko prabhavit kiya hai. Survivor ko aisa karne ka mauka ek aise vyakti ke dwara milta hai jo unke aur perpetrator ke beech baat karwata hai (mediator). Ho sakta hai ki humein khud ke liye insaaf ki bhavna kisi aur tareeke se bhi mil jaaye jaise ki chahe jo bhi hua hai uske bawajood apni zindagi jeena aur apne udeshyon ko pura karna. Yeh hum par nirbhar hai ki hum insaaf ko kaise paribhashit karte hain. 

Aur saath hi mein, jo hua usse report karke perpetrator ko anya sexual hinsa ke apradh karne se rokne ke liye hum pratibadh nahi hain. Hum iss duniya ko kuch owe nahi karte hain. Hum phir se kehna chahenge ki perpetrator jo bhi karta hai woh unki galti hai, humari nahi. Hum aisi duniya mein nahi rehte jahan zimmedari lene ke liye ashwasan diye gaye ya pakke raaste hon. Agar hum report karte bhi hain, tab bhi koi guarantee nahi hai ki humara vishwas kiya jayega aur hum perpetrator ko rok payenge. Hum unke vyavahar ko niyantrit nahi karte hain, unke vyavahar unki zimmedari hai. 

Lekin phir bhi, agar hum formal madad chahte hain, hum police ko report karne ke alawa aur bhi bahut se vikalpon mein se chunav kar sakte hain: 

Humara assault kahan hua hai uss par nirbhar karke humare paas aur bhi vikalp ho sakte hain: 

Inn sab baaton ke baad bhi hum nirnay le sakte hain ki humein apne assault ke baare mein kisi ko nahi batana hai. Kisi ko apne trauma ke baare mein batane aur iske baare mein report karne ke peeche sirf yehi kaaran hona chahiye ki humare liye aur humari healing ke liye kya uchit hai. Isliye kisi apne karibi ya kisi aise vyakti ko batana jis par hum vishwas karte hain madadgaar ho sakta hai. Kyun ki agar unhe humare trauma se sambandhit humari zarooraton ke baare mein pata hai toh woh humari healing ke liye vishesh tareekon se sehyog de sakte hain. Kisi ko bhi humari kahaani jaan ne ka haq nahi hai. Isliye agar hum yeh nirnay lete hain ki humein apni kahani ya sadme ke baare mein kisi ko batana hai toh humein yeh samajhna zaroori hai ki hum iss nirnay se kya chahte hain. 

Agar reporting ka nirnay lete hue aap unn kanooni nateejon ke baare mein jaan na chahte hain jiske baare mein aap ko sochna chahiye, kripya, humare ‘Your Story Matter’ guide mein ‘Deciding to report or not’ ko dekhiye. Hum aap ko link bonus content mein bhejenge.

…ek aisa circle bana na jisme woh log hain jin par hum vishwas karte hain. 

Isliye, apni thought diary mein do aise circles banaiye jo ek dusre ke upar hon (aap isse Venn diagram bhi keh sakte hain). Ek cricle ko naam dijiye ‘log jin par main abhi vishwas karta/karti hun’ aur dusre circle ko naam dijiye ‘woh log jin par main bachpan mein vishwas karta/karti thi/tha’. Aur agar aise log hain jo donon shreniyon mein aate hain toh aap unn logon ko beech mein daal sakte hain, jahan donon circles milte hain. 

Bina ilzaam ya self-judgment se dekhiye ki kaun iss chitra ya diagram ke kaun se hisse mein jaata hai. Aaj hum yeh baat karte aaye hain ki jo hua uske baare mein hum logon ko batayen. Lekin woh kaun log honge uska chunav iss par aadharit hai ki hum kis par vishwas karte hain aur humein kaun sehyog de sakta hai. Hum asha karte hain ki aaj ki exercise se aap yeh samajh paayenge ki aap ki zindagi mein woh log kaun hain jinhe aap bata sakte hain-aur yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki koi bhi aisa vyakti na ho jo ki ‘main abhi vishwas karta/karti hun’ shreni mein aata ho. Yeh bhi bilkul theek hai. Aap khud par vishwas rakhiye ki aap apni zindagi mein uss vyakti ko pehchan payenge jo ki aapke vishwas ke layak hai aur aap ko sehyog dene ki kshamta rakhta hai. 

Yaad rakhiye, Bloom aap ki healing ki journey mein ek nivesh hai. Aap khud ko resilient bana ne ka sabse acha mauka dijiye. 