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Course ka introduction

Activity

Bonus content

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Humare saath soch vichaar kariye

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Video

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Video ki transcript

Agar hue nahi pata hai ki hume kya chahiye, thumari pasand napasand batana mushkil ho jaata hai.

Iss session ke activity Emily Nagoski ki kitab “Come As You Are” se li gay hai, jisse hume sex-positive context samajhne mein madad karegi. Iss activity ke liye apni ek list banaye apne accelerator aur break ki. (Accelerator jo cheezein hume sex karne ki iccha deti hai, ar brake jo cheezein nahi.)

Yeh list chalti rahegi aur jab bhi aapko lage ki aap apne iccha se sampark mein aate hai aap isme cheezein add kar sakte hai  

Kya koi cheez hai jo aap sex ke pehle karna ya na karna pasand karte hai?

Manipulation is Abuse (Chalakee bhi hinsa hai): 

Yeh Chayn guide aapko manipulative situations pata karne mein madad karegi aur apne aap ke liye support paane mein madad karegi ki kaise controlling relationship se bahar aaye.

Kal jab humne sadme ke baad sex ke baare mein baat ki, humne sweekar kiya ki jin logo ko vagina hai un mein se kuch logo ke liye sex dardnak ho sakta hai. Iss pain ko aksar hum Vaginismus kehte hai. Agar aapko lagta hai ki aap iss se guzar rahe hai: aapko sharminda hone ki zarurat nahi hai. Kai log iska samna karne ke baawjood samaj mein Iss baare mein bahut kam charcha hoti hai, par madad ke liye cheezein hai toh medical professional se baat kariye agar aap kar sakte hai. Neeche kuch saadhan diye gaye hai vaginismus ke baare mein:

👉🏼 Prasiddh talk show se video ‘Conversations with Kamwal’ (jismein humare apni Hera hai!) jaha ek mahila apna anubhav bata rahi hai sex ke dauran dard ka: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFUlBmVY3Sk

👉🏼 Karyakram ‘Sex Education’ (series 2) aur ‘Unorthodox’, dono mein aise characters hai jo vaginismus anubhav karte hai. (Note kijiye ki yeh rape scene ke dauran bataya gay hai programme ‘Unorthodox’ karyakram main toh dhyaan rakhiye jab aap dekhne ka faisla karte hai 💕)

👉🏼 Ek Article jaha bahut logo ka anubhav bataya gaya hai iss kam charcha kiye gaye disorder ke baare mein: 

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/aug/31/pain-vaginismus-destroys-lives-misunderstood-common-conditions-surgery-treatment

 example ke taur pe, Jab tum peeche se aakar mujhe touch karte ho, mujhe trigger hota hai. Toh agar tumhe mujhe kiss karna hai ya hug dena hai toh mein chahugi ki tum mere saamne se chal kar aao jaha mein tumhe dekh sakti hu.

Mein kya koshish karna pasand karugi iske bajay:

 Example ke taur pe, mujhe penetrative sex mushkil lag raha hai. Mein bhavishya mein kar paugi par abhi mere liye yeh kaafi stressful hai. Mein baaki sab cheezein karna pasand karugi, kya iske badle hum zyaada oral sex kar sakte hai?

Kya karna chahihe jab uss pal mein cheezein bigad jaati hai  

uss pal ki mushkilo se saamna karne ke liye alag couples aur log alag system set karte hai; bolne ke alava jaise “yeh kaam nahi kar raha hai” ya “mujhe rukna padega”, hum surakshit shabd ka istemaal kar sakte hai ya touch system ka upyog kar sakte hai. Example ke liye, ‘agar mein daahina kandha dabogee, iska matlab hai mujhe rukna padega.’ Ground rules aur safe boundaries madad karti hai koi bhi prakar ki sexal activity mein.

Yaun sadme ke baad humari body image, yaun iccha, vyavhaar aur coping mechanisms mein kya badlav aata hai hum usko samjhenge. Recovery tools ke saath hum humari pehchan aur aatma-samman ko phir se banaenge.

Yaun Sadme ke Ghaav se Ubharna

Foundational concept (Moolabhoot siddhant)

Sadma aur sadma ki pratikiriya (response)  

Sadme ke baad bhaavnaaen

Body image

Sex aur sex ki iccha

Nishkarsh (conclusion)

Overview

Hum sadme ke baad ke alag alag Sexual behaviour ko samjhenge, discuss karenge ki humare saathi ke sath sex ke baare baat mein kaise karna, aur hum pata karenge ke humari sexual boundary kya hai aur sex-positive context. Hum yeh bhi bataenge ki jab aapke saathi aapke sexual boundary ka aadar nahi karte hai toh aap humse sampark mein aa sakte hai. Email kar sakte iss par: team@chayn.co 💕

Assualt ke baad sex

Hello! Humare course ke session 7 mein aapka swaagat hain. Humein aapka yahan swaagat karte huye bohot khushi hai! 

Aaj hum iss baare mein baat karenge, ki haadsa kaise humare yaun sambandh yani sexual relations ke experiences ko affect kar sakta hai - hamesha ki tarah, hum iss nazuk topic pe baat karte hue apne aap ke prati pyaar dikhayenge. Lekin hamare andar hum jaisa mehsoos kar rahe hote hain, vo hamare aaspaas ki duniya se bhi interact karta hai - hum apne kareebi logon se kaise baat karte hain, humaare rishte, disron ke prati hamra bharosa, ityaadi. Hum aaj apne pichle sesison ki baat ko hi aage badhayenge, aur sex ko yaun sambandhon ke context mein dekhenge.

Hamesha ki tarah. Grounding exercise ke saath shuru karte hain! 

apna manpasand rang chunna, aur apne aas paas aisi teen cheezon ko pehchanna jo uss rang ki hain. Toh XX, aage badhte hain! Mai sochti hum aur aap share kijiye!  

Haan to hamare paas aaj ke liye ek fun sawaal hai: agar jaanwar baat kar paate, aapko kya lagta hai, unmein se kaunsa sabse zayda funny hota?  aapko kya lagta hai? 

Toh chalo, hamare sexual chahaton aur sexuality ke baare mein baat ko aage badhate huye, hum aaj aur bhi specifi cheez ke baare mein baat karenge, jo ki hai hamle ke baad sex karna, aur apne partner se iss baare mein kaise baat karsakte hain.

Lekin inn cheezeon ke baare mein baat karne se pehle, thoda sa iss bare mein baat kar lete hain ki hamle ke baad kaun si cheezein hum sexually karte hain. Agar inn cheezon ke baare mein baat karke aap trigger ho, ya buri yaadein zehen mein aaye, aapko dissociated mehsoos karaye, aapko darr lage, ya aapko flashbacks ho, toh ek pal lijiye saans lene ke liye, thoda sa walk kijiye, koi grounding exercise kijiye, ya sesison se thodi der ke liye dur bhi jaa sakte hain, aur thodi der baad wapas aa sakte hain. 

Hum jaante hain ki ye ek bhaari topic hai, aur isse dur hatne mein koi sharm ya judgement nahi hai, tab tak jab tak aap ready no ho. Apne recovery mein aap wahi kijiye jo aapko lagta hai ki aapke liye zaruri hai - theek hone ka koi expiration date nahi hai, hum aapko urge karte hain ki aap apne gati mein jaaye. 

To, jaisa ki humne pichle session mein kaha tha, aisa ho sakta hai ki sex se jude hamare darr ki wajah se hum sex nahi kar rahe hain, ya sex karte huye humein discomfort mehsoos ho raha ho, aur kuch aur aisi bhavnaayein mehsoos ho rahi ho, jo confusing hain. 

Lekin aisa bhi ho sakta hai ki hamle baad se hum “hypersexual” ho gaye hain aur hum bina soche samjhe, risky harkatein kar rahe hain — iska matlab ho sakta hai aise bohot se logon ke saath sex karna, jinhein hum jaante nahi hain, aur inn strangers se milne ka sabse bada uddeshy ho sex. 

Iska maltab ho sakta hai ki hum khatarnaak situations ka hissa banein, jaise ki bina proetction ke sex karna, asurakshit jagahon mein sex karna, bohot zyada masturbate karna, violent porn dekhna, ya jo haadsa hua tha, uske kuch hisso ko jaan bujhkar apni zindagi mein dohrana. 

Iska matlab nahi hai ki hum vo hamla chahte they,

 ya hum aage kisi hamle ko amantran de rahe hain. ‘

 mein lekhak Wendy Maltz kehti hain ki aisi cheezon mein participate karna jo humein uss hadse ki yaad dilata hai, 

 kehlata hai: jismein hum uss hadse ke kuch hisso ko apni zindagi mein isliye dohraate hain taaki hum usko samajh sakein, aur process kar sakein. 

Dobara control aur power lene ki hamari zarurat ki wajah se, kayi baar hum aise tareeke nikaal lete hain jisse hum ghabraahat ko jhel sakein jo sex ke saath, yaun hinsa ke baad aate hain. Hamare dimaag mein hum apne shareer mein uss haadse ko samajhne ki zarurat mehsoos karte hain. Hum firse surakshit mehsoos karne ki koshish karte hain, jo ki uss hamle ke baad khatam ho gayi. 

Ye sabhi cheezein kisi bhi haadse ke baad ke liye bilkul normal hai, 

aur ismein sharminda hone jaisa kuch nahi — inka consensual hona zaruri hai. Baaki ke coping mechanism ke tarah, inn harkaton ke zariye hum apne stress ko shaant karte hain, araam mehsoos karte hain, aur control aur agency bhi. Lekin ye hamara haq hai ki hum aisa sex kar paayein jinke desire positive hain aur jo humein aisa mehsoos kareyein ki hum cheezon ko control kar sakte hain, positive tareeke se. 

To, upar upar se aisi cheezein, sex ka bilkul bhi na hona, ya bohot saara sex hona, ek dusre se bohot alag alag lagg sakte hain, ye dono hi kisi haadse ke baad hone waali cheezon ko darshati hain. 

To ab, sex ke baare mein partner ke saath kaise baat karein. Yaun hinsa ke baad yaun sambandh banana bohot mushkil ho sakta hai, aur bohot se survivors ko aisa lag sakta hai ki pehle unhe theek hone aur recover karne ki zarurat hai, isse pehle ki vo kisi tarah ke yaun sambhandh mein hissa lein sakein. 

Isse hamare andar bohot saare sawaal bhi paida ho sakte hain. Jinke partners hai, kya hum apne partner ko batayein ki kya hua? Kya hum sex se hi dur rahein? Kya hum ye dikhawa karein ki kuch bhi nahi hua? Sabse pehle to ye, yaun hinsa ke baad sex ko dekhne ka koi “sahi” tareeka nahi hai: zaruri ye hai ki humaare liye kya surakshit hai aur kya araamdayak hai, hum usse dhunde. Aur hum kisiko bhi hamari kahani “owe” nahi karte. 

Kuch survivors apne partners ko iss haadse ke baare mein nahi batate, aur ye unki choice hai. Par jaisa ki hum aage dekhenge, hum filhaal sex ko kis tareeke se dekh rahe hain, ispar yaun hinsa ka jo asar hota hai, uske baare mein baat karna pehla step hai. Isse hum emotional kareebi bana sakte hain, jisse humein jiss sahaare ka haq hai, humein vo milta hai. Research se ye pata chala hai ki yaun hinsa ke baad ek supportive partner ke hone se koi bhi jaldi theek ho jaate hain. 

Kisi partner se inn cheezon ke baare mein baat karna complicated ho sakta hai. Agar humare saath yaun hinsa hamare long term partner ne ki ho, to ye batana ki yuan sambhandhon ke dauran kaunsi cheez humein pasand hai aur kaunsi cheez nahi, ye mushkil ho sakta hai. Kayi jagahon mein agar pati rape kare, to isse jurm hi nahi maana jaata. 

Rishte mein hone waale yaun hinsa ki wajah se hum desire ko bhi doubt se dekhte hain - kabhi kabhi survivors apne abuser ke saath sex karne ke baad khushkismat mehsoos karte hain. Par jaise ki humne arousal ke myth ke baare mein baat ki, vaise hi, apne abuser ke saath relationship mein hona ka matlab ye nahi hai ki  “hum ye chahte they”. Aur iss rishte ka hissa bane rehne ka bhi ye matlab nahi ki ye chahte they! 

Aisi aur bhi bohot saare bematlab cheezein hain jinki wajah se humne apne yaun zaruraton ko shaant kar liya hai, aur humne apne aap se ye keh diya hai ki agar hum desire mehsoos kar rahe hain, to hum apne abuser ki tarah hi hain. 

Agar yaun hinsa kisi romantic rishte mein ho, to ye jaanna bhi zaruri hai ki sex ek attachument behavior hai — iske wajah se emotional tareeke se kareeb mehsoos karna possible ho paata hai, unn rishton mein bhi jismein ek insaan dusre ko abuse kar raha hai. 

To agar humein sex iss context mein pasand bhi hai, iska matlab ye nahi hai ke hum mein kuch galat hai ya hum ye chahte the — abusers sex ka istemaal karke hamare andar bhavnaaon ka ek samundar bana dete hain, taaki vo apne abuse ko chupa sakein. Ye abuse ko jaari rakhne ka ek tareeka hai.

To hum aaj iss baare mein baat karenge ki apne aur apne partner ke liye sabse surakshit environment kaise banaye, jisse hum intimacy create kar payein: Jismein hum apne sexual life ke  control mein hain, aur jismein hamare partner humaari baat sunte ho aur hamare bhavnaaon ka samman karein. 

To, isse pehle ke hum ek partner se baat karein, humein ye sochna chahiye ki hum kya bolna chahte hain aur hum jo chahte hain usse communicate kaise karein. Hamare paas kuch sujhaav hain, jo aapki ismein madad kar sakte hain: 

Shayad hum abhi sex ke liye taiyaar nahi hai, aur kisi bhi tarah ka touch humaare andar pareshaani aur taruma response create kar deta hai. Ye bilkul normal hai!  Agar hamara koi partner hai, hum unhein ye bata sakte hain, aur hum connection banane ke aise tareeke dhund sakte hain jismein chune ki zarurat nahi hai, jaise ki saath mein film dekhna, baatein karna, ya walk pe jaana.  

Ya ho sakta hai ki abhi ke liye hum kuch ground rule banana chahte hain ya hum chhune ke around kuch ground rules banana chahte ho; jaise ki, jab humein chua jaa raha ho, to hum chahe ki vo hamare shareer ke kuch hisson ko na chuye. 

Ye pehle wale se thoda zyada mushkil sawaal hai - Kisi partner ke saath physical contact aur sexual contact do bohot alag alag cheezein hain! Sach kahe to, hum aaj jinn cheezeon ke baare mein baat karne waale hain, ye unmein se ek bohot zaruri cheez hai. Body image wale exercise ke saath, humne aapko kaha tha ki aap apne shareer ke hisso ko ache se dhundiye. 

Ab, aap apne aap ko ye mauka dijiye ki aap apne partner ke saath aise physical touch ko dhund sakte hai jo sexual nahi hai. Ho sakta hai isse aap nayi cheezein mehsoos karein, aur nayi sensations ko samjhe. Ho sakta hai ki humein ye pata chale ki physical touch vo cheez hai hi nahi jo humein pasand nahi thi, balki vo darr, ki agar hum kisisko apne aap ko chune denge, to iska matlab hai ki sex hoga, ya sex ki expectation. 

Ya fir, humein physical touch mein chupi khushiyaan firse mil jaayengi, jinhein tab paa sakta hain jab sex karna mushkil ho, ya hume pareshaan karta ho. Aap jo bhi karein, apne aap ko alag alag tarah ke physical contact ko mehsoos karne ki ijazat dijiye- playful, curious, warm, aur pyaar se bhara hua - chahe ye sexual ho ya nahi. 

3.Kya aise koi positions hain, mere sharer ke hisse hain, ya sexual behavior hai jo mujhe pasand nahi? Kya aisi bhi positions, shareer ke hisse aur harkatein hain- jo mujhe pasand hain?

Hum already ye samajh chuke honge ki kaunse sexual activity aur position hain jinko expereince karna hamare liye triggering ho sakta hai. Aisi bhi bhasha ho sakti hai jinhein hum sex ke dauran trigger karte ho kyunki hamare anubhav aise hain, jaise ki alag alag tareeke ke sex talk. 

Saath hi mein, hum kuch nahi karna chahte hain, aisi cheezein bhi ho sakti hain jo hum karna chahte hain, aur aisi jagahein hai jahan hum chuye jaana chahte hain. Chuye jaane ke, aur sex karne ke bohot se tareeke hain, pehle ye samajhne ki zarurat hai ki hum ye chahte hain ya nahi!

Hum unn cheezon ke baare mein baat kar rahe hain jo humein comfortable ya uncomfortable mehsoos karate ho, lekin saath hi mein ye samajhna zaruri hai ki agar humein sex ke dauran dard mehsoos ho, to humein doctor ke paas jaana chahiye. Sex ke dauran dard mehsoos karna ek aisi cheez hai jiske baare mein koi zyada baat nahi karta. 

Iski wajah vo samaajik soch ho sakti hain jinke baare mein hum pichle session mein baat kar rahe they. Jaise ki, jinke paas vagina hota hai, unhein vaginismus ho sakta hai: jismein agar vagina mein koi bhi cheez jaaye to dard mehsoos ho sakta hai. Hum bonus content mein kuch resouces add karenge, jisse aap iss tarah ke dard ko behtar samajh paayenge, lekin abhi ke liye, ye janna bohot hai ki ye sabhi cheezein normal hain aur ismein sharminda hone waali koi baat nahi. 

4.Mere liye sex positive halaat kya hain?

Jaisa ki humne pichle session mein baat ki thi, sex ke baare mein sochna sirf negative cheezon se juda nahi hai, na hi humare sharm aur darr se — ye positive cheezon ke baare mein bhi hai! Sexual desire ki vo awaaz aapse kya kehna chah rahi hai? Ho sakta hai aapne pichle session mein apne sexual desire ke baare mein kuch seekha hoga, kyuki aapne apne aap ko, apne sexuality ko aur bhi zyada samajhne ki ijazat di. 

Alag alag tarah ke touch, activity, pleasure, aur bhi bohot saare halaat hote hain, jaise ki sex ke pehle aap kya kar rahe hain- jaise ki sofe pe baith kar TV dekhna? Aaj ka exercise issi cheez par adhaarit hai, jisse hum apne khud ke sex positive pasand ko samjhenge, taaki hum unke baare mein apne partner se baat kar paayein, aur saath milkar bohot achche yaun anubhav bana sakein. 

Jaise ki aap iss sawaalon ke baare mein sochte hain; ye yaad rakhna bohot zaruri hai ki cheezein samay ke saath badalti hain. Theek hone ki ye jo journey hai, jaisa ki humne kayi baar kaha hai, ye discovery aur recovery dono hai, jis se hum khud ko samajhte hain. Hum apne unn hisson ko samajh rahe hain jinhe humne haadse ke baad, khud ko protect karne ke liye, band kar diya tha. 

Khud ko firse pyaar kar paane mein hum firse apne aap ko discover kar rahe hain. To agar koi aisi sexual activity ya touch hai jisse aap try karna chahte hain, lekin aap abhi ready feel nahi kar rahe hain- agar ye har tareeke ke yaun sambandh bhi hai- to bhi bikul theek hai. 

Kayi baar aapne inn sabhi sawaalon ke baare mein soch liya hai, aap apne partner se inn cheezon ke baare mein baat karna shuru kar sakte hain. Chahe ye ek purane ya naye partner hai, aapka haq hai ki aap aise insaan ke saath ho jo aapko surakshit, comfortable, aur respected feel karaye. Ye kuch aise tareeke hain jisse aap aisi baaton ko structure kar paayein, jo hamare bonus content ka hiss abhi hain. 

Jaise ki: “”Jab tum mujhe piche se pakadte ho, mai trigger ho jaati hu. To agar tum mujhe kiss karna ya gale lagana chaho, to mai chahungi ki tum aage se chalkar aao, jahan se mai tumhe dekh paaun.” 

Jaise ki: “Mere liye penetrative sex mushkil ho raha hai. Ho sakta hai ki mai bhavishya mein ye kar paaun, par abhi ki liye ye bohot stressful hai. Mai fir bhi kuch cheezein karna chahungi. Kya hum oral sex kar sakte hain?” 

6.Jab uss waqt kuch galat ho, to kya karein 

Alag alag log aur couples alag alag tarah ke system ko apnaate han jab unhein kisi dikkat ka saamna karna padta hai, aur ye bhi kehna ki “Ye kaam nahi kar raha” ya fir “Mujhe abhi rukna hai”, hum safe signal ka istemaal kar sakte hain, ya touch signals ka istemaal kar sakte hain. Jaise ki, ye kehna ki “Agar mai tumhare left shoulder ko squeeze karun, uska matlab hai ki mai chahti hu tum ruk jaao”. Kisi bhi tarah ke yaun sambandh mein, ground rules aur safe boundaries bohot kaam aa sakte hain.

Sex se pehle, hum apne partner se apni hichkichahat aur darr ke baare mein baat kar sakte hain- Ye ho sakta hai kabhi kabhi kuch cheezein aapko trigger karein, aur kabhi kabhi vo hi cheezein aapko trigger na karein. Inn baaton ka ek hissa hai ki hum inn cheezon ke liye jagah banayein.

Jo anubhav aapko pareshaan kare, jaise ki flashback aana, humein Seattle Institute of Sex Therapy, Education, and Research ke ek article mein likhi baat pasand hai,  jo kehti hai ki “Waqt ke saath ye flashback aane band ho jaayenge. 

Kabhi kabhi sex ke dauraan activity ko rokna zaruri ho sakta hai kyunki humein koi cheez yaad aa rahi hai, aur kabhi kabhi unn yaadon par concentate naa karna aur uss yaad ko jaane dena madadgaar ho sakta hai. 

Aisa bhi ho sakta hai ki agar hum uss yaad ko wahi rehne de aur uske baare mein kuch naa karein, to uske paas hamare upar jo power hai, vo, aur uski importance khatam ho jaayegi. Aur agar hum usse dur rakhne ki koshish karein, ya ye pretend karein ki vo yahan hai hi nahi, to aisa hone mein waqt lage.” Ye ek mindfulness ka tareeka hai jisse flashbacks, khayalaaton aur soch se deal kiya jaa sakta hai. 

Aur sex ke dauraan, apne instincts par bharosa karein, aur apne upar “perform” karne ka pressure na daalein. Aap uss pal mein jahan hai wahi rahein, aur uska samman karein. 

Lekin hum ye cheezein sirf tabhi kar sakte hain agar hamare partner humare boundaries aur consent ka samman kare. Isse pehle ki kisi rishte me sex ho, us rishte me vishwas aur samman hona bohot zaruri hota hain. Agar aap relationship mein nahi hain ya ek naye relationship mein hai aur aap physically engage kar rahe hain, toh aap fir bhi unse baat kar sakte hain aur samjha sakte hai ki yeh apke liye zaroori kyu hai. 

Jaise aap inn cheezon ke baare mein sun rahe hain,  ho sakta ha ki aapko signs samajh aa rahe ho ki aapke partner aapke sexual boundaries ka samman nahi karte. Agar aapko lagta hai ki ye case ho sakte hai, humse baat kijiye, aap humein email karke directly baat kar sakte hain. 

Hum aapko support karenge. Humare paas ek guide hai jo rishte mein control aur coercion ke baare mein baat karta hai, jiska naam hai ‘Manipulation is Abuse’. Aap isse manipulation.chayn. co par access kar sakte hain. Humare bonus content mein aur bhi resources hain. Ye realise karna ki humein apne rishte mein manipulation ya asamman hai, ismein kuch bhi sharmanaak nahi hai: Ye cheezein kisi ke bhi saath ho sakti hain. 

Unn rishton mein bhi, jinmein humein lagta hai humein samjha jaa raha hai aur support kiya jaa raha hai, inn baaton se pareshaani ho sakti hai: humein pata hai. Sexual boudaries ke baare mein baat karna mushkil ho sakta hai aur humein sharminda mehsoos kara sakta hai. Aise partner ke saath, jinmein hum achche se jaante hain, humein unki bhavnaaon par chot pohunchane ka darr hota hai. 

Aur agar hum kisi aise insaan ke saath hain, jinke saath mein hum pehli baar sex kar rahe hain, to humein sirf sexual boundaries ke baare mein baat bhi karna ajeeb lag sakta hai aur embarassing ho sakta hai. Humein darr ho sakta hai ki vo humein inn boundaries ke wajah se guilty mehsoos karayenge. Iss guilt se hamare atma samman ko thes pohuch sakti hai: haadse ke baad, humein lag sakta hai ki hum buri tareeke se treat kiye jaana deserve karte hain. 

 haq hai ki unke sexual boundaries ho. Agar aap alag alag tarah ke yaun anubhavon ki ek list banaye, to hum daave ke saath keh sakte hain ki unmein kuch aisi cheezein hongi jo aapke partner nahi karna chahte ho. Isliye nahi ki vo cheezeon galat hai ya ajeeb hain, par isliye kyunki har kisi ke sexula boundaries hote hain. Har kisi ke! Isliye boundary rakhne ke liye aapko guilty mehsoos karne ki koi wajah nahi hai. 

Dusri taraf, ek supportive partner ke saath bhi humein unke reaction ka darr ho sakta hai. Humein lagg sakta hai ki vo darr jayenge ki kahi vo humein chot na pohuncha dein, jis wajah se vo kisi bhi tarah ke physical aur sexual contact se dur bhagenge. unse bhi jo humein pasand hain! Baar baar baat karna zaruri hai; isse bolna vo karne se zyada asaan hai, lekin, ye baatein aur bhi gehre bhavnaatmak connection ka ek zariya ho sakta hai, taaki hum vo support paa sakein jo hum deserve karte hain. 

Hamare andar aur bhi bhavnayein aur pareshaaniyaan ho sakti hain, jab hum apne partner se sex ke baare mein baat karein. Guilt, jiske baare mein humne baat ki, par gussa bhi - gussa ki sex aur sexual boundaries ke baare mein baat karne ka bojh hamare upar hai, gussa ki hum rishte ke ek “beemar” hissa hain jo sabhi rules aur walls ke baare mein baat kar rahe hain.

Humein iss baat se bhi gussa aa sakta hai ki humare saath ye haadsa hi kyun hua jiske wajah se humare andar ye badlaav aur sex ko lekar discomfort aayein. Sexual healing ke raah mein aage badhna zabardasti bhi lagg sakta hai. Iss gusse ko baahar aane dein- isse saans lene de! Diary mein likhiye, exercise kijiye, takiye mein chillaiye: ye sabhi bhavnaayein valid hain, aur aapke frustration ko bhi haq hai ki vo baahar aayein.  

Sex ke baare mein iss tareeke se sochne se hum bharosa karne se bhi darr sakte hain. Ye bhi yaun hinsa ki wajah se hota hai: logon par bharosa karne se darna. Ye hamare trauma response ka hi ek hissa hai; kayi logon ke liye hamara vo hissa jo danger ke prati alert ho jaata hai, vo zyada activate ho jaata hai. Hum kayi cheezon ko threat ki tarah dekhte hain, aur logon par bharosa karna mushkil ho sakta hai. 

Ya ho sakta hai ki bharosa karne ke saath aane waali bhavnaayein humein mushkil lage, jis tarah se use toda gaya ho. Humne apne rishton mein vishwas ke baare mein baat ki hai, lekin iske wajah se naye sexual partners ke saath connect karna mushkil ho sakta hai. Unn samaajon mein, jahan shaadi ke bina sex sahi nahi maana jaata hai, vahan trust se judi hui mushkilein aur sex ko negative dhang se dekha jaana kisi bhi naye rishte ko shuru karna mushkil kar deta hai.

Humein asha hai ki iss discussion aur exercise se kam se kam aap sex ke baare mein soch aur baat kar paayein — isske saath, humare liye ye samajhna ki sexual being hona ya na hona kaise hota hai. 

Guilt aur Sharm jaise bhavnaaon se ladne ke liye sabse pehli cheez hai apne aap ko permission dena, jiske baare mein humne body image ke session mein baat ki thi. Samaaj ke desirability, sexuality aur gender ke around jitne bhi mithak hain, jinko humne consume kiya hai, vo humein aisa mehsoos karaate hain ki humein apne shareer aur sexuality ke liye maafi mangni hai. ‘

 mein ek kahaani hai, jo issi cheez ke baare mein baat karti hai, jiske baare mein humne body image wale session mein baat ki thi. 

Lekhika Sonya Renee Taylor uss conversation ke baare mein baat karti hain jisne Body is Not an Apology movement ko shuru karne mein madad ki. Vo apne ek colleague se baat kar rahi thi jinhein cerebral palsy hai aur unhein darr tha ki vo pregnant hai. Jab unhonne usse pucha ki usne condom ka istemaal kyun nahi kiya tha, to usne kaha ki, “Meri disability ki wajah se sex pehle se hi mushkil hai, jaise ki positions, vagehra. Mujhe laga ki condom ke istemaal ko ek badi baat banana sahi nahi hoga.” 

Ableism aur sach kahe to samaaj ke sabhi pakshpaati khayalaat humein aisa mehsoos karate hain ki agar hamara shareer samaaj ke standards ko match nahi karta, to humein iske liye maafi maangni chahiye. Ho sakta hai hum puri tareeke se chal fir nahi sakte, humare shareeer mein operation aur cancer treatment ke wajah se scars hain, ya shareerik taur par hum alag hain, 

Humein lagg sakta hai ki hum pehle se hi jaise hain vaisa hone ki wajah se bohot saari jagah le rahe hain, jo ki hum deserve nahi karte, isliye hum aur zyada boundaries draw nahi kar saktein, jaise ki sexual boundaries. Ye guilt aur sharm hamare teacher nahi hai. Inhe lekar zindagi mein aage badhne ki koi zarurat nahi hai. Zor se boliye: “Ye mera guilt nahi hai. Ye mera sharm nahi hai.” 

Kyunki asal mein samaaj ke jo mithak sex aur sexuality se jude huye hain, vo humein ek sexual object ki tarah mehsoos karaate hain. Bohot se log, survivors, aur baaki log bhi aisa mehsoos karte hain ki “Agar mai chahti hu ki mujhse pyaar kiya jaaye, to mujhe sex karna padega.” Iss soch ko jad se hatana hi radical self ke prati hamari journey hai; aur ye hum sex ke baare mein sochkar aur baat karke kar sakte hain, isse hum khud se pyaar kar paate hain, aur sexuality to apna paate hain. 

Sex ek bohot hi achcha aur fulfilling anubhav ho sakta hai, lekin humari keemat isse nahi judi ki humne kis tareeke ka sex kiya hai ya nhai kiya hai. Sabse zaruri baat ye hai ki pyaar ke liye sex ekmatr zaruri cheez nahi hai. Hum inn dono sachchaiyon ko saath mein anubhav kar sakte hain. Jaise ki, “Mai sex chahti hu aur mujhe sex bohto pasand hai, lekin mere desire aur sex karne ki meri ability se meri keemat tay nahi hoti.”. 

Humein asha hai ki aaj aapko pata chala ki kaise aap apne khud ke sex positive context ka nirmaan kar sakte hain aur apne partner se iske baare mein kaise baat kar sakte hain.  Aaj ka session pura karne ke liye shabash! Sex aur kareebi ke baare mein baat karna bohot mushkil hai, bina yaun hinsa ke anubhav ke saath bhi, aur agar iss session ke wajah se koi mushkil emotions baahar aaye hain, toh Well done ki aapne aaj ka poora session kiya; ye puri tarah se normal hai, aur jo bhi confusion, discomfort aur sawaal paida ho rahe hain ye bilkul sahi hai. 

Aakhir kaar, hum therapists se bhi madad lena consider kar sakte hain, jo ki sex therapy ya relationship counselling mein specialise karte ho, aur survivors ke saath kaam karte hain. Ye hi vo logg hain jo survivors ke saath kaam karne mein experienced hain aur hamare situation ki sachchai ko process karne mein madad kar sakte hain, aur ye log humein mithakon ke saath mislead bhi nahi karenge jinhone humein aaj tak shaant rakha hai. Bohot se logg couples ke saath sex therapy karne mein bhi experts hain. 

Ant mein, aisi duniya jo sex ko negative dhang se dekhti hai, survivors ko blame karti hai, wahan bohot se aise survivors hain jinke sex lives satisfying hain, aur jo unke partner ya partners bhi anubhav kar sakte ho. Aap ye kar sakte hain, aur karenge bhi. 

…ek aur exercise jo ki Emily Nagoski ki 

 ki kitaab se li gayi hai. Humne iss baare mein aaj bohot baatein kari hai, jaise ki humein kya pasand hai aur kya pasand nahi hai uske baare mein kaise baat karein, humein apne partnership mein kya chahiye aur kya nahi chahiye, lekin humein nahi pata ki humein kya chahiye, uske baare mein baat karna bohot mushkil ho sakta hai. Ye normal hai! To iss exercise ke zariye hum apne sex positive context ko behtar samajh sakte hain. 

Ye exercise asaan hai: aapko yaad hai humne pichle session mein accelerator aur break ke baare mein baat ki thi? Accelerator vo cheezeinn hai jinki wajah se hum sex karna chahte hain, aur break vo cheezein hai jinki wajah se hum sex se dur bhagte hain? 

Apne accelerators aur beaks ki ek list banaiye.

 Ho sakta hai ki breaks ke baare mein sochna accelerators ke baare mein sochne se asaan ho- ye bhi normal hai. Ye list badalti reh sakti hai. jaise jaise aap apne desire ko samajhte hain, vaise aur samay ke saath, aap ismein nayi cheezein add kar sakte hain, 

Agar kisi bhi cheez ke baare mein sochna aapke liye mushkil hai, to iss sawaalon ke baare mein sochiye:  

Yaad rakhiye, Bloom aapki apni recovery ka ek safar hai. Apne aapko resilient bana ne ka ek  acha mauka den. 

Hamari session mein apne aaur baaki sabhi ke liye aane ke liye shukrriya! Ye jaanna zaruri hai ki hum iss journey mein akele nahi hai. Hum sabhi ismein saath hain. 

Sabhi ko shukriya! Hum aapse agli baar milenge, bye! 