Listen to the conversation or read the <link>transcript</link>.

We’d love to hear how you found this learning. Your feedback helps us to improve our resources.

How was this session?

Watch the video or read the <link>transcript</link>.

This page could not be found. Check the url or go back to the courses page.

404 - Page not found

This page could not be found. Check the url or go back to the welcome page.

Hmm, something went wrong there. Please go back and try again. Get in touch via the contact form if the error continues.

500 - Internal error

Please bear with us whilst we complete some essential planned maintenance. Bloom should be available as usual within {hours} hours.

Bloom is down for maintenance

There was an issue loading this page. Please go back and try again soon, or get in touch.

Bloom is an online platform to support you as you heal from trauma. From video courses and reflective activities to direct messaging with our team, there's lots of different ways to engage with Bloom.

Sign up today to get access to all of our content and explore everything Bloom has to offer!

Sign up for a free account today

Video transcript

Building healthy relationships, from our course ‘Recovering from toxic and abusive relationships’

What is assertiveness?

Session 13, Building healthy relationships, from our course ‘Recovering from toxic and abusive relationships’

What is assertiveness? It's a really important concept that's often misunderstood. We often associate assertiveness with getting your own way, with crushing others. Assertiveness is its own thing, founded in respect for others rather than hatred.

So assertiveness means stating your feelings, wants, needs, and boundaries in the following ways. Clearly, respectfully, honestly, with ownership and with conviction.

It's the ability to speak up for ourselves in a positive way and allowing others to know us fully, whatever our shame or fears or doubts.

Of course, this is also what can make assertiveness so scary after abuse. Not only is it unfamiliar to many survivors and therefore very uncomfortable, assertiveness can make us feel exposed.

We are used to having to respond while in the 3F fear mode. Reading or abuser and looking for any sign of threat in their words or in their behaviour.

Assertiveness may make us feel vulnerable. Like we're putting ourselves in danger of criticism or attack. Previous attempts to be assertive might have been dangerous for us.

And as part of our unconscious risk management strategy, you may have developed passive behaviour to appear as non confrontational as possible to keep yourself safe.

What is assertiveness?

This clip is from Session 13, Building healthy relationships, from our course.

Related content

carousel

Anger is not the same as aggression

Restoring safety and rebuilding trust

Thought diaries

Affirming ourselves (firm pressure)